It the best tradition of internet sharing, this came to me by a buddy on a private photo group. I want to pass it along and ask that if you have any good ones to contribute, please add it to the list using the comment form. Thanks.
25 (and growing) Photographic Truths. (This may be a bit dated due to the film references, so we can use a few good digital truths to add in the mix.)
1. The best scenic views are clearly designated by highway signs reading NO STOPPING ANYTIME.
2. Edward Steichen owned a three-legged dog, which he named Tripod.
3. The Post Office folds all parcels containing photographs.
4. Camera straps never fail above soft surfaces.
5. Lens caps and cable releases can become invisible at will.
6. Spotone bottles are designed to tip over when the cap is removed.
7. Financial success in photography is directly related to proper choice of subject matter. Falling airplanes, exploding volcanoes, and certain Presidential motorcades work best.
8. No two light meters agree.
9. The work “Daguerreotype” cannot be spelled correctly.
10. A new Hasselblad would take better pictures than your present camera.
11. 1/60 at f/8 is the correct exposure for all photographs.
12. When your friends finally realize that you are a true artist, committed to making sensitive and meaningful images, they will ask you to photograph their wedding.
13. Color slide viewing cures insomnia.
14. On any tripod, only two legs work properly.
15. Dust spots are attracted to sky areas.
16. YES, PHOTOGRAPHERS DO IT IN THE DARK… but they have to stop every thirty seconds to agitate.
17. There’s nothing wrong with a 35mm that a 4×5 can’t cure.
18. Ansel Adams has three Secret Zones known only to him.
19. Wet prints, when dropped, like buttered toast, will always fall face-down.
20. Fast films compensate for slow photographers.
21. Mounting a photograph is a misdemeanor in Arkansas.
22. Owning more than one lens assures that you will always have the wrong lens on the camera for any given picture.
23. A camera store will charge $75 to repair a camera that has been adjusted with a butter knife.
24. Falling lenses are attracted to rocks.
25. Into every life a little grain must fall.
26. Safelights aren’t. Available light won’t be. On the other hand, gadget bags are.
27. Popular Photography is to photography as The Sound of Music is to music.
Hi Gary, I find this list almost perfect! Thank you for sharing it!
FYI those are not contributed from the internet. All of them are from Ted Orland. They are reproduced in a poster that includes a picture of Ansel Adams getting ready to do a group portrait of kids at a school with the caption “Even Ansel Adams has to make a living”. I liked it so much that I bought two of them.